June 2025

June 30, 2025 - The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.  As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.  "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed.  "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean." "Wow!" said the one-dollar bill.  "You've really had an exciting life!" "So tell me," says the twenty," "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church..." The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"


June 29, 2025 - Great Truths About Growing Old
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


June 28, 2025 - Great Truths that Adults Have Learned
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


June 27, 2025 - Great Truths that Little Children have Learned
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.


June 24, 2025 - Actual Newspaper Ads - Part 5
'93 PONTIAC LEMONS - Low Miles
NICE PARACHUTE: never opened - used once
OPEN HOUSE: Body Shapers Toning Salon - free coffee and donuts
'83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK: $2000
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA: free chopsticks
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB: and it's made of 100% Italian leather
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

 
June 23, 2025 - Actual Newspaper Ads - Part 4
TICKLE ME ELMO: Still in box, comes with its own 1988 Mustang, auto trans., excellent condition - $6,800
DO SOMETHING SPECIAL for your Valentine - have your septic tank pumped
FREE: 1 can of Pork and Beans with purchase of 3 BR 2 bath home.
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING: "We hault American made products"
HUMMELS: Largest selection ever - "If it's in stock, we have it."
CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE: 2 cents or best offer
WHIRLPOOL BUILT-IN OVEN: Frost free!


June 22, 2025 - Actual Newspaper Ads - Part 3
FOR RENT: 6 room hated apartment
WANTED: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink
AND NOW, the superstore unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
WE WILL OIL your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1
AMANA WASHER: $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE: Only used on snowy days.
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, one 5-finger, one 3-finger, PAIR: $15


June 21, 2025 - Actual Newspaper Ads - Part 2
ILLITERATE? Write today for free help.
AUTO REPAIR SERVICE: Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again.
DOG FOR SALE: Eats anything and is fond of children
STOCK UP AND SAVE: Limit: one per customer.
DINNER SPECIAL: Turkey $3.25; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
GREAT DAMES for sale.

June 20, 2025 - Actual Newspaper Ads - Part 1
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog
FREE PUPPIES: Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog
FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD: 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat, been out a while, better be a reward.
NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used -- call Chubby
GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown - 89 cents lb.

 
June 17, 2025 - Two Guys and a Big Deep Hole
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Wow! That is REALLY deep... here.. throw a couple of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in.  Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen.

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?" "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."


June 16, 2025 - Good Housekeeping Tip # 132
Always keep several get-well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean.


June 15, 2025 - Natchitoches
Two rednecks were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching  the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of  the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one redneck asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."


Tuesday, June 14, 2025 - The Atheist and the Loch Ness Moster
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds. "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "Come on God, give me a break!," the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"


June 13, 2025 - One Liners
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick

How do spoiled rich kids change a light bulb?
They say, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quattro sinko

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.


June 10, 2025 - The Four Stages of Life
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.


June 9, 2025 - The Philistine and they Eye Doctor
A Philistine went to an eye doctor to have his eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed him to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The Philistine was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked him to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the Philistine had tears streaming down his face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the Philistine, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."


June 8, 2025 - Bible Trivia - Believe it or Not
Q.  What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A.  Ruthless.

Q.  What do they call pastors in Germany?
A.  German Shepherds.

Q.  Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A.  Noah.  He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q.  Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A.  Pharaoh's daughter.  She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q.  What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A.  Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.  David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.  Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q.  Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A.  Samson.  He brought the house down.

Q.  What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A.  Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q.  Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A.  Moses.  He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q.  Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A.  The area around Jordan.  The banks were always overflowing.

Q.  Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A.  David.  He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q.  Which Bible character had no parents?
A.  Joshua, son of Nun.


June 7, 2025 - You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When
You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What's this?" you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a week's vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week. (Just means you get to take two weeks vacation, right?)

You take a "sick" day. The next morning the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?"

June 6, 2025 - The Philistine and the Thermos
A Philistine was shopping and came across a silver thermos. He was quite fascinated by it, so he picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos...it keeps things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the Philistine, "that's amazing...I'm going to buy it!" So he bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. His boss saw it on his desk.

"What's that?” he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos...it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," he replied.

His boss inquired, “What do you have in it?”

The Philistine replied, “Two popsicles, and some coffee.”

June 3, 2025 - Reasons not to Wash
If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to other important areas of life you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in our logic.  For example: Reasons Not To Wash

1. I was forced to as a child.
2. People who make soap are only after your money.
3. I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.
4. People who wash are hypocrites - they think they are cleaner than everyone else.
5. There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.
6. I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.
7. None of my friends wash.
8. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
9. I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.
10. I can't spare the time.


June 2, 2025 - Top 12 Things NOT to say to a cop who has pulled you over
1.   I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2.  Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.  Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4.  Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me.  Good job!
5.  Are you Andy or Barney?
6.  I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7.  You're not gonna check the trunk are you?
8.  I pay your salary!
9.  Gee, Officer! That's terrific.  The last officer only gave me a warning too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over?  Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic.  Yes, I know there are no other cars around.  That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son...Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes looked glazed, have you been eating donuts?


Wednesday, June 1, 2025 - If Biblical Headlines were written by Today's Liberal Media
On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed

May 2025

May 31, 2025 - Knowing About Radios
One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, Calif., we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a large radio in the back.

"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.

Several hands went up, and anticipating a ride in the jeep, recruits began listing their credentials. Everything from a degree in communications to a part-time job in a repair shop was declared.

The DI listened to all the contenders, then pointed to the most qualified. "You," he barked. "Carry the radio."

May 30, 2025 - Picking a Winner
The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands.

"Lady," he said, "I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?"

The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered. "Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is."

The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very well, lady," he cried. "But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"

"Oh," replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a fork."

May 29, 2025 - Parental Nagging
Constant nagging didn't seem to provide any relief from having to clean up the bathroom after each of my three teenage children.

After I cleaned it one day, I resorted to posting a sign that read: "Please leave the bathroom as you found it."

I noticed the bathroom was in the usual mess after my son used it, so I called, "Brian, how did you find the bathroom?"

After a brief pause, he replied, "Straight down the hall, first door on the right."

May 28, 2025 - 4 Year Old Rider
Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free.

As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he is. "I am 4 years old."

"And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver.

“When I get off the bus," answers Johnny.

May 27, 2025 - Disaster Encounter
"Oh, No!" the father gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.

"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!".

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room."

May 24, 2025 - Home Early
Little Dewey burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised, his mother asked, "Why are you home from school so early?"

Dewey said, "They let me go early because I was the only one who could answer a tough question."

"Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked.

"'Who threw the eraser at the teacher?'"


May 23, 2025 - Proof of Identity
My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof. As soon as they started, they realized they needed more supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard.

After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo ID," the clerk said.

"I don't have one on me," Bev replied.

The cashier called over the manager, who examined the check. Then the manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is the Avon lady in your town?"

Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson."

"Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier. "Maxine is my grandmother."


May 22, 2025 - I can't come in to work today because . . . .
- "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm waiting for the plumber."

- "I have to buy some new skis. I left my old ones in a tree."

- "My computer is down. I'm trying to cheer it up."

- "I have a sick kid. The adult goats, however, seem to be doing fine."

- "I'm having car trouble. The trouble is I no longer own a car."

- "I won a sauerkraut and sausage eating contest yesterday. You don't want me there today. Trust me."


May 21, 2025 - Reasons Why My Children Do Not Need More Toys
~ They started off as babies who found my Tupperware drawer much more fascinating than their toy box.

~ The days I change the paper towel roll in the kitchen bring great excitement as they claim their new sword or telescope.

~ Their current toys are only exciting when I either reorganize them/put them neatly away or when I start my garage sale pile.

~ Who needs toys when jumping on my bed like the five little monkeys brings tears of laughter?

~ They are content to look at the clouds and find shapes - most recently Caleb claimed he saw Thomas the Engine. Really - just shouted it out while in the car.

~ To make one of them want to play with a toy, all I have to do is give it to the other one. Suddenly, that item becomes the best thing in the whole entire world.

~ The days I mop the kitchen floor and move the chairs into the living room are cause for adventure as they build tents and "dark, dark rooms."

~ A flashlight brings amusement to all for hours.

~ And my personal favorite - the other day they literally fought over who got to play with the fly swatter. I really wish I was kidding.


May 20, 2025 - Fish Fight Story
Doug was describing a 30-pound bass he'd caught recently, after fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds."

Doug replied, "Well, a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting!"

May 17, 2025 - Parking Space Sign Language
After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very complicated. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"

May 16, 2025 - On Company Time
Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.

Susie: It grew on company time.

Boss: Not all that hair.

Susie: I didn't get it all cut.

 
May 15, 2025 - You Might Be An Engineer If…
* You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

* You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

* You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

* It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

* You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

* You have a pet named after a scientist.

* You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

* You can translate English into Binary.

* You can't remember what's behind the door at the lab that says "Exit."

* You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

* You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy."

* When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely that, according to Heisenberg, it could be anywhere in the universe.

* You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.

* The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.

* The salesperson at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

* You can't help eavesdropping in computer stores... and correcting the salesperson.

* You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.

* You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

* You've even calculated how much you make per second.

* Your favorite James Bond character is "Q".

* You understood more than five of these jokes.


May 14, 2025 - Ticket Explanation
Her car was speeding along Interstate 80 at well over 80 miles an hour when it passed by a State Trooper. Obviously, the officer was compelled to pull the young female driver over and he asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "It stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."


May 10, 2025 - You Know You're a Northerner When…
~ you know the 4 seasons - winter, still winter, not winter and almost winter
~ you have more miles on your snow blower than your car
~ driving in winter is better, because all the potholes get filled with snow
~ you feel warm and toasty at minus 26
~ you find minus 40 a mite chilly
~ the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
~ somewhere in the area is a piece of frozen metal with bits of your tongue stuck to it
~ you thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary
~ men think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown with only eight buttons
~ your dog wears boots too
~ the mayor greets you on the street by your first name
~ if you don't go out for lunch you miss the sunrise and sunset
~ there is a sign outside of McDonalds that says: "Park dogteams in back"
~ if the school district had snow days, no one would ever have to go to school
~ you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground


May 9, 2025 - Stage Mothers
A stage mother cornered the concert violinist in his dressing room and insisted he listen to a tape of her talented son playing the violin.

The man agreed to listen, and the woman switched on the tape player. “What music’” the violinist thought. A difficult piece, but played with such genius that it brought tears to his eyes. He listened spellbound to the entire recording.
"Madam,” he whispered is that your son?"

"No, she replied. "That’s Jascha Heifetz. But my son sounds just like him.."

 
May 8, 2025 - The Rules of Bureaucracy
1. Preserve thyself.

2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard to understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is service.

10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.


May 7, 2025 - New Brain Study
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that anyone with insufficient brain activity reads e-mail with one's hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now; it's too late.


May 6, 2025 - Charitable Giving
A large, well built man visited the church and asked to see the pastor's wife, who was well known for her charity.

As he spoke to her he said in a voice breaking with emotion, 'I'd like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this neighborhood. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their $400 rent that is past due'

'How frightful!' exclaimed the pastor's wife. 'May I ask who you are?'

The enormous visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and wailed, 'I'm their landlord’

 
May 3, 2025 - Future Price of Roses
The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.

When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses -- one for each year of her life.

The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife."

The young man bought a dozen roses.



 
May 2, 2025 - Urgent Code 33
It was April 1st, and in a small midwestern town, two rookie policemen were patrolling the downtown business area. They decided to stop into the local coffee shop for a coffee and a donut. The time was 11:55 AM.

Three minutes later, they got a call on their police radio: "Code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana."

Well, there was only one bank in town, in fact, it was just across from the coffee shop. A code 33 was an "armed robbery" but it was also just 11:58 AM and the two rookies decided it was the dispatcher playing a joke on them just before lunch. So they continued enjoying their coffee break.

At 12:01 PM, they got a second call on their radio, "Repeat, Urgent, code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana."

Realizing it was past noon and the dispatcher sounded frantic, they rushed across the street -- but arrived 30 seconds after the banana split.


May 1, 2025 - Child Leashes
Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

While watching my grandson's baseball game, I saw a young mother with her toddler on one of those child leashes.

She was talking with another mom about an incident that happened earlier that morning.

Her little chihuahua was sick, and she had raised people's eyes as she walked into the vet's office with her dog in her arms and her child on a leash.

All I could think was, "What's wrong with this picture!"